扬州慢---我做过的一篇散文翻译

楼主:傲海来风 时间:2011-02-13 22:29:00 点击:963 回复:5
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原文地址:http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4a3d20320100qear.html
  各位好,我做过一篇散文英译,欢迎各位给我提提意见,指导我更好改进。
  
  
  
  在扬州,最好的状态是走玩,且走且玩,涉目成趣,尽享慢生活。这座昔日极度繁华的淮左名都[①],在晚清至民国间,由于黄河改道,运河淤积,战火纷飞等原因,商气和人气渐衰,春风十里扬州路,俯仰间已成陈迹。还好,文气和名气留了下来,扬州学派[②],扬州八怪,扬州干丝,扬州三把刀……在轰轰烈烈过后,扬州也开始喜欢伸懒腰了。
  
  In Yangzhou, the optimal pastime for travelers is strolling and indulging in a slow life, to take a leisurely walk and find the pleasure along the way. Beset with Yellow River’s course change, siltation of the Grand Canal and war fares, this city, used to be known by its peerless prosperity, lost some of former glory in commerce. Fortunately, the seeds of culture and civilization have been well preserved and get flourish again, people might not be strange to Yangzhou School, Yangzhou Three Knives, the Eight Eccentrics of Yangzhou, and Yangzhou Gansi(Braised Shredded Chicken with Dried Tofu )etc. After so many achievements, Yangzhou begins to stretch and yawn on her fame.
  
  
  似乎每个人到了扬州城都会来几句扬州小调,脚步也紧跟着轻快起来。“拔根的芦柴花花……”,“杨柳叶子青啊……”,微涩,微青,又爽利迷人,就像是瘦西湖,两岸柔婉又野趣的景致夹着一汪活泼的流水,载着这座古城两千年来的积蕴与划伤,潺潺向前。
  
  Everyone after arriving at Yangzhou would be likely to hum local folk songs with jaunty steps followed, “Pulling out a reed catkin…”,”Green the Willow Leaf.” Tender, green and ringing sounds the tune as same as the Slender West Lake whose animated ripples reflecting the nature scenery on both sides have comforted the sorrow and weariness of the ancient city for last 2,000 years.
  
  最后一次去扬州在去年深秋,开创作会兼采风,主题:如何写好散文。在瘦西湖畔讨论如何写好散文挺合时宜。《题南柯梦》道,“惟情至,可以造立世界;惟情尽,可以不坏虚空。[③]”无论如何,写好散文和体会城市都要用情吧。很喜欢扬州的古称:广陵。那让人想到安静的城池,幽深的里巷,沧桑的石桥和古老的运河。[④]
  
  The late autumn of last year I went there for writing seminar about how to write prose ,and collecting folk songs by the way. I think it would be appropriate to hold this theme on the Slender West Lake, just as About Nanke Dream said, only by kindling the passions would a new world be created; only by exhausting the passions would a person divorce from the worldliness. Anyway, in my eyes, neither writing essay nor experiencing a new city’s life would go without passions. Guang’ling, the former name of Yangzhou, is so charming to me that I can even conjure up a picture of deep lanes in the quiet city, a worn stone bridge upon the old canal and so forth.
  
  那日正值北地寒流来袭,夜奔的四位新朋老友喝了若干瓶加热过并浸了姜丝、话梅的黄酒,微醺间,萧瑟的淮阳之夜突然施以魔法,有种极度的虚幻感,触手可摸又遥不可及,犹如琼花的暗香气若游丝,让人似乎重回广陵[⑤]……与风雅富足的苏州相比,扬州不止一次夷为废墟,变成芜城,所以后者更有一份苍凉、悲情与幻灭感。难怪年少轻狂的杜牧当年常深情吟哦扬州的唯美与忧伤。汤显祖曾说,情的沉溺与空的领悟是并行不悖的。扬州的午夜,你可以感受到极致的情与空。[⑥]
  
  A cold spell from the north sweeping over the city on the very day of our arrival, the four of us were rambling about after having finished with bottles of warmed millet wine, which was brewed with shredded-ginger and preserved plums. In a slight intoxication, we felt as thought we were brought afar to the remote Guang’ling by the enchanted night. Yangzhou, compared with the affluent Suzhou city, has been destructed more than once laden with profound sense of historic grief and bitterness. No wonder, Du Mu(803-852), an talented poet in his youth had not been niggard of praise towards Yangzhou’s sorrow and beauty. “The indulgence in entertainment is compatible with the understanding of life” as anther dramatist, Tang Xianzu said, and the night life in Yangzhou is lavish with the above both .
  
  然而你却不属于它,它能以温和的姿态提醒你的羁旅和孤单。二十四桥仍在,波心荡,冷月无声。念桥边红药,年年知为谁生……不如去冶春喝茶吧。在这间开牖临河、林木蓊郁的茶社里,素衣素颜,吃一箸干丝,品两颗葱花蚕豆,喝半盏清茶,让我们漂泊流浪已久的味蕾,开始钟情安静与家常的味道。也许慵懒和回归,才是每个人宿命中终极线索。
  
  Yet, as a tourist, of course you don’t belong to this city as she timely wakes up that you are merely a transient.
  
  
  The twenty-bridges,
  Upon which fairies once played their flutes,
  
  Are still there;
  
  And below, in ripples the silent moon glows.
  
  But, oh, for whom the red peonies by the bridges
  
  Bloom every spring? Who knows? Who knows? [⑦]
  
  Let’s go to Yechun Garden to enjoy a cup of tea where is well-wooded and you could admire the river scenery through teahouse windows while tea drinking. The tea drinkers are suggested to be dressed casually without makeup. A cup of plain tea that goes with a plate of Gansi and fried beans would tickle your taste buds further to perceive a peaceful and ordinary life. Now it comes to me that the genuine taste of life should be bland and easy.
  
   【译后言】:
  这篇文章是2011年1月6号坐航班回烟台的飞机上看到的航空杂志中一篇散文。文笔婉约动人,当时我就想将其英译就手机拍下来文章再一字字敲出来(限于篇幅和能力,删除了原文一段对扬州美女的描述)本文与“回峰落雁”博客中的旅行日志“行走天下”也十分相投。散文虚实结合也是英译困难,比如“淮阳之夜时空倒转广陵”与“琼花的暗香浮动”二者之间的虚幻的类比。文章不乏引经据典也给读者设置了“认知障碍”
  外国人不一定就知道杜牧,汤显祖在中国文学中地位,换言之原文与译文的互文性不能完全重合,《题南柯梦》也是按照译者对此文言的理解进行翻译(见译者注)总之,译文一定大有尚不成熟,可待改进之处,请各位不吝赐教。2011年夏天,我也非常想去扬州瘦西湖一游。
   【译者注】:(本文系笔者原创翻译,请尊重原作者和译者的知识产权)
  
  --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  
  [①] 淮左:扬州是宋代淮南东路的首府,故称“淮左名都”。当然,此处如果忠实翻译成the city east of Huai River略显冗长累赘所以简化处理。 
  
  [②] 清代活跃于扬州一带,以王懋竑、王念孙、王引之、汪中、焦循、阮元等为代表的学派。产生于皖派戴学基础之上,其中王念孙是戴震弟子,任大椿是戴氏同事,焦循一生推崇戴学。清代学术,吴派最专,皖派最精,扬州之学最通。
  
  [③] 我对这句话的理解是:只有用激情热情,才能创造一个新世界,只有人无情无挂,才能脱离尘世俗事。
  
  [④] 中文使用了蒙太奇的手法突出四个意象,而英译中我只选择了深巷古桥作为意象同时把城市与运河作为语法成份。这种方法是否让你想到马致远《天净沙秋思》里的文学处理手法呢?当然英译不是不可以孤独的四个意象。
  
  [⑤]本文书写极尽形容词和感受描绘,确实中文写作的虚实结合也是汉英翻译的难点。 “犹如琼花的暗香气若游丝”一句被略译也因译者能力有限。
  
  [⑥] 散文插入了太多的引用,而英文读者也未必能全然理解杜牧、汤显祖在中国古代文学中的地位。
  
  [⑦] 译者不敢率尔操觚先援引已有译文,详见http://www.en84.com/portal.php?mod=view&aid=1671 为引用处。
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

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楼主傲海来风 时间:2011-02-13 22:29:52
  http://blog.sina.com.cn/oceanslove 本人博客
  也欢迎各位翻译爱好者来这里留言
  谢谢关注
作者:tastylove 时间:2011-02-13 22:54:58
  挺好的孩子
  这篇散文不好翻译的
  能这个水平很好很赞
作者:jobbix 时间:2011-02-14 17:52:51
  Linguistic translation: C
  Literary style: D-
  Overall grade: C-/D+
  
  学院派的英语里,也算中等水平了吧。
楼主傲海来风 时间:2011-02-15 16:47:37
  非常感谢天涯论坛的jobbix(野翰林)不辞劳苦注册一个新浪博客在这里给我提出批评。学院派这三个字,我也不敢当(也非翻译科班),正如译后言中所说是我做飞机时候翻看的航空杂志中的一篇文章感觉喜欢拿过来做练习。功夫确实不足,手中的汉译英还不足10千字,汗。
  您提出的三点建议很好,尤其是第一个optimal确实是跟time, design等词语搭配较多,已经通过查过当代美语语料库查实。
  另外,siltation是否是误译,您可以参照Bioscience(Mar2007, Vol. 57 Issue 3, p237-248)中有这样一句:…However, the influence of lakes on stream channels may be only transitory, as siltation and changes in stream course allow few lake-influenced stream channels to persist past 50 years in Glacier Bay.…相信您看过此句对比汉语自然得知此处是不是我译错了……
  至于后面一句是否non-sense,我觉得这个是汉英语言思维差异,不存在孰优孰劣的问题。原文很多地方也有在翻译的时候根据我的理解重构,这一处我考虑过tourist 与transient2个词语在一起对照来说明“过客匆匆”毕竟我没有也没敢脱离原文跑的太远。
  您的批评中肯十分,欢迎常来指导。
楼主傲海来风 时间:2011-02-15 16:48:47
  欢迎各位继续给我帮助,也可以像jobbix君一样,到我博客上给我留言批评
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