[休闲娱乐]谐趣英文--陆续更新(转载)

1.Husband:I am going to discharge our chauffeur.
　　 four times recently he almost killed me.
　　　Wife: Darling,give him another chance.
　　
　　丈夫：我要解雇我们的司机，最近有四次他差点害死我
　　妻子：亲爱的，再给他一次机会。
　　
　　2.　Counsel: Miss ,what is your age?
　　 Witness: I am over twenty.
　　 Counsel: You must be more explicit.
　　 Witness: Well ,I am between twenty and thirty.
　　 Counsel : No more trifling. State your exact age.
　　 Witness: I’ll be thirty the day after tomorrow.
　　
　　律师：小姐，你几岁？
　　证人：我过了20 岁了
　　律师：你必须说得更准确点
　　证人：嗯，在20 和30 之间
　　律师：别再浪费时间了，说出你的确实年龄。
　　证人：后天我就要30岁了。
　　
　　3. Parson (to his wift):Well ,my dear, I do wish I could
　　 think of some way to make the
　　 congregation keep their eyes on me
　　 during the sermon.
　　 son: Put the clock right behind the pulpit.
　　
　　牧师(对他的太太)：嗯，亲爱的，真希望能想出个办法，使听众在听
　　 我布道时眼睛都能注意到我这边来。
　　儿子： 把钟放在讲坛的后面。
　　
　　4.Professor: What happens to gold when it is exposed to the
　　 air?
　　 student(after reflection ) : It’s stolen.
　　
　　教授：黄金暴露无遗在空气中会如何？
　　学生(思考以后)：被偷
　　
　　5. Doctor : You’re coughing easier this morning.
　　 Patient: I should . I practiced all night.
　　
　　医生：你今天早上咳得轻松多了。
　　病人：应该的。我练习了整个晚上。
　　
　　6.A man with two badly burned ears went to see his doctor.
　　 “What happened?“ asked the doctor.
　　 “Well,“ began the man,“my wife was ironing while I was watching the ball game on TV.She put the hot iron near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answered the iron.“
　　 The doctor nodded.“But what happened to the other ear?“
　　 “No sooner had I hung up,“said the man ,“than the same guy called up again!“
　　
　　一个两耳朵被严重灼伤的人去找他的医生。
　　”怎么啦？“医生问。
　　”嗯，” 那人开始说，“我在看电视球赛时，我太太正在用熨斗烫衣服。电话响时，她的熨斗就放在电话旁边，我拿起熨斗回话。
　　医生点点头，“可是另一只耳朵是怎么回事？”
　　 “我刚挂断电话，同样那人又打来了!”
　　
　　7.The pen is mightier than the sword,“ said the poet to his Jewish friend.
　　“ Of course it is ,“ said the Jew. “You can’t sign checks with a sword.“
　　
　　“笔诛胜于剑伐，“ 诗人对他的犹太朋友说。
　　“当然是，“ 犹太人说，“你无法用剑签支票。“
　　-------The pen is mightier than the sword.
　　 [谚]笔诛胜于剑伐；文胜于武
　　
　　8. Girl:While I was going downtown on the tramcar this
　　 morning, the conductor came along and looked at me
　　 as if I had not paid my fare.
　　 Friend: Well ,what did you do?
　　 Girl: I looked at him as if I had.
　　
　　女孩：今天早上我坐电车到市中心时，售票员走过来并注视着我，
　　 就好象我没付车钱一样。
　　朋友：嗯，那你怎么办呢当时？
　　女孩： 我也注视着他，就好象我付了钱那一样。
　　
　　9. Author : You can’t appreciate it.You never wrote a book
　　 yourself.
　　 Friends: No,and I never laid an egg, but I’m a better
　　 judge of an omelet than any hen in this country.
　　
　　作者： 你无法欣赏它，你自己从未写过书。
　　朋友： 没写过，我也从没下过蛋，但是我却比这个国家的任何一只
　　 母鸡更擅长鉴定煎蛋卷。
　　10. Custome: What’s the meaning of this fly in my soup?
　　 Waiter: I don’t know,sir. I’m a waiter,not a
　　 fortune -teller.
　　
　　顾客：这只苍蝇在我的汤里是什么意思？
　　服务员：先生，我不知道，我是个服务员，不是算命的。